Hello, O-HI-30 readers.
I think the time has come to share a life update with you all. I’ve been waiting for the right time, the time that I actually felt like writing this post. And I think that night is tonight.
A couple of weeks ago, Wyatt and I broke up. Correction – Wyatt broke up with me.
Out of respect for him and our relationship, I won’t go into the details of how and why the breakup occurred. Suffice it to say it was real, mature, and extremely heartfelt. The breakup did our relationship proud.
Over the course of the past two weeks, I’ve found a lot of clarity. Feelings change, sometimes inexplicably. Even in the midst of that awful night, I was able to understand at least that much. I can see the bigger picture: that one day, I’ll meet someone for whom I feel the same way I felt (feel?) about Wyatt, but whom will feel the same way about me. I’m grateful that I was finally able to experience true partnership, to know what it feels like to share your life with someone – friends, family, values, the minutia of your day. As silly as it sounds, the sixth months I spent with Wyatt provided me with some much needed validation. Validation that I am capable of being in a real, meaningful relationship. That all of those bad dates and unrequited crushes weren’t in vain; that being “picky”, however frustrating, can result in something that is 110% real. And that if I was able to find it once, I’ll be able to find it again.
But knowing all of this doesn’t make it any easier. Breakups suck, plain and simple. Someone who was such a huge part of your everyday is suddenly not anymore. All the things you once shared together – laughter, the kitchen counter space, text messages, a bed, visions of a future – are just yours again. And no matter how much you wish it wasn’t true, the truth is all you have.
And here’s the truth: I’m sad. Sure, I’m functioning – I’m working, exercising, laughing, even throwing bachelorette parties. I’m going through the motions, in hopes that one of these days (hopefully soon), I start to feel like myself again. And in the meantime, I’ll continue to rely on my amazing friends and family, who have been incredibly kind and patient with me. Every phone call, text message, email, and question – “how are you doing?”, is so appreciated. If there is one thing this experience has taught me (not that I needed to be reminded), it’s that I have one hell of a support system. And that no matter how lonely I might feel sometimes, I’m not alone. Not even close.
Thank you, all, for reading my writing, something that has proven incredibly cathartic these past 11 (almost 12!) months. When I re-join the online dating world, you’ll be the first to know.
PS – on a separate but equally honest (and far more living-altering) note, check out the speech my dear friend Cullen gave this past weekend. If that doesn’t move you, I don’t know what will.